During the time after Suzanne’s prophetic word to me on March 14, 2007 (my October 20, 2016, post), and the Bondage Breakers session on November 3, 2009 (my November 3, 2016, post), I was getting stronger in my faith and beginning to learn who I was in Christ. One new thing I was learning, was to be careful about the things I was saying (Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit. (Proverbs 18:21). It was not uncommon during those days to hear me say that I was ‘crazy.’ One day, my Christian ‘sister’ Donna was quick to rebuke me for this and tell me NOT to say that ever again. She then reminded me that God is able to do ALL things. Donna told me about a woman she knew who at one time was struggling with mental/emotional issues. While seeking God in prayer, Donna discerned from the LORD that this woman had severe dietary/vitamin/mineral deficiencies that were affecting her mental health and her life. Donna provided her with a supply of nutrient/supplements and within days she recovered!
For my birthday a few years ago, Donna sent me eight bottles of amino acids. After hearing Donna’s testimony (related above), and reading about the mental health benefits of amino acids, I have taken them faithfully ever since. I believe I was also blessed, by Donna’s prayer and spiritual discernment.
My Christian friends from work (Yale University), Janine and Barb also helped me. They too helped me become aware of the words I spoke. They explained that every time I took ‘ownership’ of depression by calling it “my” depression (“my” allergies), I was agreeing with the enemy. The devil will always lie to us, trying to convince us that our identity is in our illness/shame/weaknesses/failures. Once we believe any of the lies of the enemy, we begin to doubt the hope/power we have as Christians, in Christ. It is written in the Word of God that our identity is “child of God” (Romans 8:14-15). In God’s eyes, we are not defined by an illness, or by our marital status, or our job titles, etc. We are new creations (2 Cor 5:17), we have the mind of Christ (1 Cor 2:16), blessed with every spiritual blessing (Eph 1:3), we have all things that pertain to life and godliness (2 Pet 1:3), we are more than conquerors (Romans 8:37). Amen.
Authority Over the Devil
I was also learning that as a believer, I had authority over the devil. Reading God’s word is how faith comes (Romans 10:17). Speaking God’s word over our lives, knowing and declaring who we are, is how we keep the devil from stealing the abundant life/healing Jesus secured for us at The Cross. I was now understanding that my words and thought patterns were part of the reason I could never stay well. Most of my life, I faded in and out of depression and all its dark symptoms. I now knew that in order to live well, I could no longer be passive. I had to resist the enemy with the authority God gave me (James 4: 7-8, Luke 9:1, Luke 10:19, Matthew 10:8, Ephesians 6:11, 1 John 4:4). Now, when the devil told me that I was a little jerk, or that everyone would be better off without me, or that I would never get better, I would say: “Get behind me satan, in JESUS name!” All who call on the name of the LORD shall be saved (Acts 2:21). And these signs shall follow them that believe; In My name, they shall cast out devils… (Mark 16:17).
Keeping My Mind Set on the Kingdom of God
As I practiced (yes, our Christian walk/life must be practiced) thinking and speaking God’s word in faith, I became stronger in faith and belief in the power of God’s word, and in the assurance of His promises. I started to believe (against all hope – Romans 4:18) that Jesus’ death on The Cross, purchased not only salvation but deliverance and healing too. Life in abundance (John 10:10) for all who will believe.
I stopped trusting my ‘feelings’ more than God’s promises. When I started to ‘feel’ bad, I would praise Jesus (in advance) for healing me. Janine gave me a CD called Decree, by Patricia King. I listened to God’s healing promises over and over every night before I went to sleep. On the nights that I couldn’t sleep (which were many, over a long period of time) I listened and prayed.
Still Many Struggles Between 2007 – 2012 (last bout of depression mentioned on my blog ‘About’ page).
Although I believed in “the God who gives life to the dead and calls into being things that were not” (Romans 4:17); healing/deliverance was still a very long process for me. Even though I was learning and growing in faith, I still experienced many times of darkness in between Suzanne’s prophetic word to me and the Bondage Breakers classes. And believe it or not, even after receiving that amazing answer to pray from God (via Suzanne), I periodically would stop taking my medication (sometimes afraid of possible side effects and sometimes not sure if they really helped me or not?). I spent many nights crying out to God praying ‘crazy’ prayers; bargaining with Him to take my life and spare someone else.
I still lived with periods of confusion, nervousness, and depression while trying to live as normal a life as possible. I remained in therapy (total of about 20 years) and at times tried different medications to manage sleeping issues and anxiety. Even now, God is still sending His healing love and making me more like Jesus (Romans 8:29). And, I am confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will continue to perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus (Philippians 1:6).
My husband Mark has always been very loving and has, in his usual gentleness, quietly stood by my side believing in me. His steadfastness in our marriage has given me a great sense of enduring strength, and as Dr. Phil McGraw says – “a safe place to fall.” Thank you, Honey, I love you.